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Jeffrey L Hoffer, 805 Divorce and Family Law Attorney

805-449-4290

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When You're Getting Divorced, Do Not Rely Upon Your Friends and Family

When You're Getting Divorced, Do Not Rely Upon Your Friends and Family

Many people feel that during dark times such as a divorce, you should rely upon friends and family for help and support. I suggest something radically different. As tempting as it may be, just don't do it. I'm not suggesting that you keep them in the dark. Just use good judgment. Do not rely upon them. Don't borrow money from them. Don't confide in them. Don't burden them by asking for help.  And of course, do not discuss your divorce with your children under any circumstances.

A caveat to this advice is parents. Your parents love you unconditionally. Well, normal parents who love their children love them unconditionally. Good parents will love their children and would do anything for them no matter what. If you can rely on them for support, then by all means do so. Your siblings, cousins and friends do not have the same feelings as your parents and you should avoid relying on them at all costs.

If you need help moving, hire movers. If you need a place to stay, go to your parents' house or to a hotel. If you need to talk to someone, talk to your therapist. If you need legal advice, talk to your lawyer, not to your friends who have no legal knowledge.
As surprising as this may sound, your friends and family do not have your best interest at heart. Family members compete with each other. You have heard of sibling rivalry, haven't you? You might be a very wealthy person going through an ugly divorce and you have family members who are jealous of your wealth and secretly or subconsciously want you to fail.

Imagine you are talking about something very private and sensitive with your cousin. You then have a falling out. Then, that cousin is on your ex spouse's witness list when you go to trial. That cousin then testifies about what you discussed in a conversation that you made her swear was totally private. That can never happen with your hired team.

People do not like being burdened with other people's problems. No one wants to hear about your difficulties because they have their own and only want yours to be worse than theirs. Can you handle a little candor? Enjoy good times with your family and friends. Let your hired team handle your divorce.

Jeffrey Hoffer

I am a Divorce and Family Law Attorney located in Westlake Village, CA. I have been in practice since 1993. In 2008, I was named one of the Top Ten Most Dependable Family Law Attorneys on the West Coast by GoldLine Research and published in Forbes Magazine.

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